the B-O-T-T-L-E

The last time I was this afraid of 3 oz of milk, I realized my lactose intolerant brother was reaching for a Ben and Jerry's pint of ice cream, minus his lactaid pills. Needless to say, my nose paid the price that night. However, my nose was not at risk when I attempted to feed Levi with a bottle; my heart was.

Providing nourishment to a child has to be the most incredible experience I have ever had. Surely the birth was amazing and, yes, winning a state championship was also great, but providing your own offspring with the food he needs to survive (while he is looking up into your eyes) takes the cake. However, the problem is, you must be providing the nourishment in order for the experience to live up to its potential. Otherwise, you get two tense individuals, one of whom begins to scream out of hunger.

What is the purpose of product developers in the imitation business? We are constantly made to believe that Diet Coke can taste like Coca-Cola, Splenda can taste like sugar, and Cialis will make you 50 years old in a tub on the beach (next to your lover who is in a separate tub on the same beach)...still trying to figure this one out. ANYHOW, why don't bottle nipples better resemble real nipples? Have we really not evolved far enough for people to guess that a child may prefer something close to the real thing? We have product placement in DVD's for 3 month olds so that they will begin identifying themselves with certain logos (subcounciously at this point, obviously....which makes the system that much more twisted), can't we develop a decent nipple (nature has developed many)? Avent has done just this, somewhat anyway. Enough so that by the fourth day (and 3 nipples later) of trying to feed Levi with a bottle, he only screamed for 3 minutes (not the 15 minute mark set the previous two days) before he finally figured out how this artificial nipple business works. Now we are in a groove and it truly is an amazing feat. Women have been given an unbelievable natural tool (amongst many) and I am glad I can share (somewhat) in the experience. There is nothing like the look of a two month old looking you in the face as he eats...his eyes say it all...Thanks, Dad.